Thursday, February 9, 2012

My Missing Post from Yesterday and How it Has Helped Me Figure Out What to Say Today

So, I fully intended to post something yesterday.  I was out and about last night, had my iPad with me, and typed and typed and typed something that I was going to email to myself, so that I could post it on here.

It was a "Winds-day" themed blog dedicated to how my body is changing and how it's driving me crazy.  For the longest time, if I couldn't get around to eating before my stomach started growling, I would get very grumpy.  It was so bad, that I took a quote from "The Incredible Hulk" and tweaked it a bit to fit the way I felt during those times:  "You wouldn't like me I'm hungry."  It was a standing joke for the longest time.

Well, all that has changed, and it is now no longer a joke, as now it is rare that I feel hungry before I get grumpy.  It seems that if I don't eat nearly every 2 hours, I get grumpy.  I can't focus my eyes very well on what I'm doing, and I can't think straight.  There are times when I'm so angry I just want to hit things.  And do not look at me cross-eyed, or else.  It takes nothing to spin me up.  I feel quite shameful about it.  It's been going on for about 3-6 months now, I guess (it's hard to remember when it started), and the grumpiness still catches me off guard, which really is inexcusable since I am at home, WITH MY FOOD, nearly all day!  You'd think I'd have learned by now.

Well, that was the state I was in last night when I typed what I was thinking about posting for yesterday's Winds-day posting.  I was only going to post about how maddening this particular post was, but looking back over what I wrote, it was pretty caustic.  That notwithstanding, I was in my van, running some errands with my husband for our live-in pseudo-adopted 4th, and oldest, child that were taking longer than they should have (in my hunger-induced opinion).  And all I had was an empty water bottle, a full bladder (b/c my water bottle was empty), and a mini-bag of pretzels.  The plan was to drop our oldest 2 children off at their weekly pre-Navy-bootcamp meetings and then go eat.  But because the errands took too long, the boys missed all but the last few minutes of their meeting (which was "almost done" when we showed up, but still lasted another hour).  I even passed up the change to go get coffee at the Starbucks in the same strip mall because the meeting was "almost over."  So, I was a little steamed while I wrote that post.  To say that it was passionate would be an understatement, but it definitely would not be something that I would be proud to have on this page in  a clear state of mind.  

So, that's why I'm not blogging about it until today.  Today is Thoughtful Thursday and my thoughtful act for today was to reconsider posting what I typed yesterday and to opt for this post instead.  

Thankfully, God is a God of second chances, and His mercies are new every morning.  With the way my body's been behaving lately, I think I can honestly say that they are new every few hours or so, because as soon as I eat, my whole outlook brightens.  It's weird and amazing and quite gracious!  How humbling it is to know that God loves me just as much ugly as He does beautiful.  Even more humbling is knowing that He loved me so much when I was ugly that He sent His Only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for me, to bear all my ugliness when He had none of His own, just so that I could have the chance to be reconciled with my Creator!  Thank you Lord!!!

And thank you for second chances!

Again, thanks for your indulgence,

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