Humbled,and not loving it so much!

Please forgive my absence for the last few weeks.  Packing and moving an entire house, and trying to figure out what’s going into storage, what’s being taken with us, and what’s being donated is a little time consuming.  Now I’m still unpacking, but fortunately I can take my time with that some.]

But now, I’ve got a new post for you.

I was having a particularly rough week emotionally last week.   So, I knew going into church, I was going to be weepy.  Our Pastor also started a new sermon series, bound to last 11-12 weeks or so, based solely on Hebrews 11.  He has entitled the series “Fearless Faith.”  Seriously, I’ve begun to wonder if he’s been crawling around inside my head.  My husband’s been gone a month and it seems like everything this man has preached, in whole or in part, has been aimed straight at me.  Sometimes, I can’t even look him in the face when he looks my direction, I’m so convicted.

That being said, it’s a humbling thing to be made to see that I’ve been a Christian for nearly 30 years and have NEVER really relied on God.  Or had to. 

I’ve prayed.

I’ve tried to be a good girl.

And even though a part of me believes that Christians are more effective witnesses when they’ve not been rescued from every hardship, I’ve lived most of my last 38 years being spared a lot of trials.  In fact, the only hardship I’ve ever been through in which I was not directly involved was my parents’ divorce.  At the time, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.  As for who I relied on then…well…I was in 8^th grade, so my momma met all my needs.  She, and food stamps.  And we only used those for the summer, until she remarried.

Most of my other issues have been somewhat self-induced, or I knew they were coming.  As a result, painful as the consequences were, I knew I had coming to me what I received.  So, I just grit my teeth and ride it out.  No need to consult God on those matters because, in my view, (1) the consequences of my actions were the answers to my prayer, and (2) isn’t asking God to deliver you from circumstances you placed yourself into a bit like cheating?

Rabbit and I have also been through some stuff:  deployments, unaccompanied tours, relationship struggles.  But again, I didn’t have to really trust God.  Rabbit and I communicate well, so (1) we always worked out our issues, or else (2) I had Rabbit and/or his paycheck/benefits, etc.

All of our marriage, Rabbit has been a FANTASTIC  provider.  ALWAYS!  Maybe too good.  He’s been a great friend, a counselor, my voice of reason, my balance, and a defender of the weak (and this would include his accuser).

And at the very beginning of this whole mess – even knowing the case was a 50/50, he said/she said thing I told Rabbit:

“Don’t you dare take a plea.  I do not want you to say you did something you didn’t do.  Especially this.”

I said this fully aware of what it would mean for me and the kids if things did not go the way I hoped.  But even so, I never believed it would come to THIS.  I never believed God would allow something so unspeakable when the accusation was a lie.

I mean, God is just and merciful.  Right?  God is love and love rejoices in the truth.  Right?  And where could the justice be in allowing a 9-year-old to grow up without his father on the basis of a LIE?  There is no way God would do that to…ME.

                                YET, HERE WE ARE.

You might think the first thing God would show a woman in my position would be just how much He loves me and wants to provide for me.  You might think that scriptures about His providing for the widowed and orphaned would be comforting me.  While those are nice, that is not where God chose to start. 

So, what was the first thing God chose to reveal to me?

The other day I was reading in Philippians about not worrying about anything, about bringing my requests to God, with thanksgiving.  He revealed to me that I was not being very grateful.

You wanna know what my response was? 

THANKFUL FOR WHAT?

Yeah, You’ve been providing.  No, I’ve not needed anything since Rabbit went to jail that You have not provided.  But really, if You hadn’t let my husband go to jail, I wouldn’t need any of this stuff.  I wouldn’t have to be thanking You for all of this stuff because I’d have had my husband.  All of this stuff You are providing, Rabbit was providing quite nicely.  Yes, you are providing.  The kids and I have a place to stay.  We have food to eat and a roof over our heads, and I don’t have to worry about a job right now, but I had all that stuff with Rabbit too.  And the kids had their father.  And there was one less person in the world who would have been allowed to get away with a lie.  I had everything I needed, and You let him be convicted BASED ON A LIE!

THAT was my response.

And you know what that showed me? 

Not only have I never been in the position of needing God’s provision for anything – other than entrance into Heaven – (Yes, I know how ludicrous that sounds to any Christian reading this) I really just don’t want to need His Provision.  For anything.  Other than Heaven, that is.

I did not want Rabbit to go to jail for many reasons but one that I would’ve never had to see or admit UNLESS HE WENT was :

I didn’t want to have to trust God to provide for me.  Rabbit was doing a fine enough job. 

Thank you very much.

I’ve walked a long way on this Christian path I’m on saying one of two things:  (1) I want Your Will to be done in my life, or (2) I want to want that.

I can’t really say I was lying when I said those things, but I know I had NO IDEA the lengths to which God would go in answering those prayers.

I also know that, two years ago, you could not have convinced me I had that much pride and self-sufficiency built up inside me.

You know that scripture in Proverbs about God knowing the motives of your heart (Proverbs 16:2)? 

                                ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!!

How about that scripture about God resisting the proud (James 4:6)?

                                YEAH, THAT ONE’S TRUE TOO!

I have known for a long time that God will bring into the light those things that are done in the dark and in secret.  It just never occurred to me that some of those things that needed to be exposed were hiding in my heart. 

One last thing and then I will close.  Remember the Psalm in which David prays: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24).  Be aware that if and/or when you pray that, God takes it seriously. 

Be aware, too, that you may well be shown things that surprise or shock you because you were unaware that they were there.  You are likely to find the truth of Jeremiah 17:9:

                “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.  Who really knows how bad it is?” (New Living Translation)

My take on some of the Super Bowl commercials - Part Two

Alright...I promised a follow-up to my favorites.  Here are my remarks on some of the ones over which I have heard much controversy.

#1 - I will begin with the Taco Bell - Viva Young - commercial.  First, I really liked this commercial.  I thought it was hilarious!  From the moment they showed the pool scene, I immediately thought of the Ron Howard movie "Cocoon."  However, Mr. Bill O'Reilly thought it was not favorable toward seniors.  Really?  I have to say that, being a conservative Christian, there isn't a whole lot that he says that I don't agree with politically; but, that's just me.

But as for whether or not this commercial is unfavorable toward seniors, what it makes me think is:  don't be so quick to disregard, or write off, the elderly.  They have a lot of life in them yet, and to put them in a home, and forget about them, or to refuse to visit them because the place where you've left them makes you uncomfortable, is the epitome of selfishness.  These people have a lot of offer.  There's a lot they'd still like to be able to do, and don't really want a bunch of people younger than them robbing them of their dignity to make those choices.

Maybe I'm looking at this all the wrong way.  Maybe I'm oversimplifying.  Who knows?  However, having spent quite a bit of time with people much, much older than me - though, admittedly & ashamedly, not nearly enough time - there's a lot to learn from and about the those among us who outdate the Baby Boomer population.  If it takes showing them sneaking out of their home to go club hopping and making late night runs to Taco Bell to make the younger generations wake up to that fact, then so be it.

#2 - The Calvin Klein underwear and GoDaddy commercials.  You might think that I might have a different beef with each of these commercials.  It's the same one really; just hear me out.  I am not fond of the kissing sound on television at all anyway; it's just not something I care to listen to.  So, at first, that was what turned me off about the GoDaddy commercial.  But then I realized that wasn't it at all.  See, anytime something really gets to me, I just have to stop and ask myself what's the true culprit.  The realization I came to was this:  I am a bit prejudiced against things not-so-pretty.  And, I think, deep down, most people would have to admit that they do too.  See, what really bothered me about the GoDaddy commercial, and what didn't bother me so much about the Calvin Klein commercial, was the look of the guys on the commercials.

          If Fat Albert came into my living room and started dancing around in those same, although much larger, Calvin Klein underwear, I would be repulsed, and would, most likely, call the cops on him for indecent exposure.  I would chase my kids out of the room, throw a towel at the guy, or something.  However, I did not turn the channel away from the Calvin Klein commercial.  I didn't like it, but the guy was not hard to look at.  The guy in the GoDaddy commercial, not so pleasant to look at.

The sad thing about all of this is that comparing these two commercials, and these two men based on appearances does them both a disservice.  The GoDaddy guy may be one of the nicest guys I could ever hope to meet, and the Calvin Klein guy one of the worst, but that is not the first place my brain went to when I watched those commercials.  And I am ashamed to say so.

So, why print them here?  I've been a student studying Psychology and Counseling since 2008.  One of the first things we are encouraged to do is examine ourselves to see where we might be harboring biases.  Having felt like an outcast at time, or at least like an outsider looking in, I had reasoned myself into thinking that I didn't have too many biases.  A few based on circumstances that had occurred to me, yes, and I knew I would have to address those if the occasion ever arose when I became a counselor, but nothing as shallow as what I've discussed here.  I am the first to warn my kids about not judging something just based on the way it looks at first.  I am also the first to rush to the defense of just about anyone saying, "You shouldn't say such a thing, because you never know what that person has been through, what his/her life has been like up to this point."  You name it.  And always, my default is:  "Treat others how you want to be treated."  That pretty much sums up how I believe any bias should be handled.  Well, guess who I had to preach that lesson to this week.

My initial goal for this post, I'm sorry to say, was to hop on a soap box about these commercials and about how other people had hopped on their own soap boxes about these commercials, and the state of our country today when it is perfectly okay for a half-naked man to dance around in front of millions of people in his underwear but an ugly  making out with a super model was not okay.  But, that was not to be.  Why add fuel to the fire, when I can, maybe, make some people think for a second.

None of us is perfect.  I don't mind saying that I certainly am not.  Well, okay, maybe it's not true to say that "I don't mind saying" that.  I'd rather not have to say it, but I might as well.  But, I would like to leave you all with a word of encouragement, an exhortation, if you will.

The next time something makes you really mad, or indignant, or leaves you feeling downright self-righteous, before you open your mouth to spout off your rant, ask yourself:  Just what makes me so mad about this.  Pursue the answer with all you are worth.  Even  if you suspect that the path you are about to follow is one you'd rather not travel.  In fact, ESPECIALLY THEN.  You just might find that there is still room for improvement.

Forrest Gump said that his mama always said: "Stupid is as stupid does."  Well, I think beauty is as beauty does holds up pretty well too.  And beauty does not judge others by their appearances.  Pride does that.  Arrogance does that.  And God opposes the proud.

So, I leave you tonight having been knocked a peg or two down my self-importance ladder, and feeling better for it.  Maybe one day I'll finally make it to the bottom and I can begin rebuilding a different ladder that puts people's inner beauty before their outer appearances.  Until then, I am certain God will provide me many, many more chances to learn to see people the way He sees them.

Tomorrow, I'm making my last recipe for the week - CRISPY HERB CHICKEN & CHEESY CAULIFLOWER MASH - however, since tomorrow's Sunday, I will not be blogging about it until Monday!

Alright, that's it for me.  I bid you adieu (Goodbye) and bonsoir (Good Night)!